May 26, 2018

Acceptance Part Two

Acceptance I told you the other day is not passive but active. Today I want to talk about accepting adversity and ways to do this actively. As I said before, accepting is about reconciling yourself to a situation and letting go! Acceptance is not easy!

A neighbor of mine, last month, lost her son in a car accident. He was twenty years old, a good looking young man in the prime of his life, studying at University. He loved life and was well loved by his family and friends. My neighbour who like me is a busy working woman who grew up in England, married a man who grew up in Pakistan, had three children similar ages to mine, now only has two children. She now has to accept a life without her eldest son. My neighbour is taking one day at a time! However this accepting is going to take time because her son’s life ended so suddenly. I know that to heal from such a tragedy is an arduous process.

I know this is especially the case when the death is due to gun and knife-crime. I am a Social Worker who has worked in the Criminal Justice System for 21 years and so I am very intimately acquainted with how gun and knife-crime affects individuals and communities. I also know many of you who are Professionals working on the front line, whether you are a Social Worker, Doctor, Teacher, Nurse, Youth Worker, Psychologist, Speech and Language Therapist, Police Officer, Barrister or Solicitor, Judge or Prison Officer or a Mental Health Worker or anyone who engages with adults and children and their families in crisis, that although you may have accepted the fact intellectually, that London and the rest of the Country is facing a gun and knife-crime epidemic; I know you cannot reconcile yourself to the fact emotionally.

I know you are finding it very difficult to accept the fact spiritually and psychologically, the reality of so many lives being taken so quickly and that majority of the time, there seems to be no rhyme or reason for this loss of life. I know you are angry that most people are interested in the numbers of lives lost but you are dealing with a person before you! You can only see a name before you and a life and a person who had dreams, friends and a family and that their lives will never be the same again!

I know you cannot accept the statistics or the fact that there is an epidemic of a scale we have never experienced before. I know you like me are exhausted. I have been a Social Worker for 27 years and maybe you, like me know this exhaustion is not to do with the number of years you have have been working on the front line but it is to do with not wanting to accept the reality. It is to do with knowing this is not normal and a refusal to ever accept the case.

I know you, like me do your best to look after yourself and are very competent at your job and are afraid, each time your child (even though he is a teenager or an adult) steps out of the house, you, like me, worry if he or she will come home safe and alive in the evening! I know you, like me feel weighed down like never before.

I know you, like me, start crying at that patient’s funeral, maybe just as much as members of the patient’s family. Maybe like me, you worked with that client for a number of years and you started caring for them as if they were your own, because that is what humans do care and love for those we interact with!

So perhaps, like me, you want some support in accepting the craziness you have to deal with every day? Perhaps like me you want to feel less trapped by the incessant number of tasks you have to do in your job and want to feel like you are making a difference?

Perhaps like me, you have forgotten why you chose this Profession? Perhaps like me you have discovered that the trauma that you witness in your job has started to affect your relationships adversely?

Perhaps, like me, you want to have more energy and enthusiasm for other aspects of your life and not just your work?

If you want to find the clarity, I found that helped me to accept the trauma around me and learn strategies to invest in self care to feel more energy and enthusiasm, then click the link below and schedule a call with me.

I am a Social worker by day and a Trauma Recovery Coach in the evenings and weekends.

I know intimately how working in a stressful environment can affect adversely relationships with your partner, children and yourself.

In giving so much of yourself to your patients or clients, I know sometimes very little remains for your family and yourself.

I also know that this can make you feel very bitter and angry and result in you lashing out against those you love. I did this for many years nearly destroying my marriage! I know one thing that saved my marriage was that I stopped being bitter and angry with those around me and started to give myself some care and attention. I want you to do that too! So with your courage and my 27 years of working with Trauma, I know only clarity can result when you schedule a call!



Having qualified as a Social Worker in July 1991 from Coventry University, it has been over two decades that I have been on the front line working with children and young people who are traumatized and on the margins of society. Although I studied Psycho-dynamic counselling for two years at Goldsmiths College (1991-1993), I decided to integrate Psycho-dynamic theories and skills into my Social work practice and flirt with and immerse myself in studying Islam as well as interfaith dialogue and friendships. For the last 20 years, I have been working in a multi-disciplinary Youth Offending Team in South London, comprised of Professional colleagues from different faiths and cultural backgrounds trying to support young people in the criminal justice system. I am married and mother to three sons, and juggle Social Work and interfaith dialogue with my writing, studying and the needs of home and family.


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