May 29, 2018

Acceptance Part Three

This series of blogs is about acceptance!

I mentioned in a previous blog that the process of acceptance is active not passive. Of course those of you who are intimate with adversity know acceptance in these cases can never be a passive resignation to the situation and neither is the process linear. Our minds are biologically trained when faced with adversity or trauma to either fight, flee or freeze. Even freezing requires effort and energy.

There are also two other responses that humans have to trauma which are not commonly known; floating and frolicking.

I will talk about these another day. For now I want to focus on fighting, flight and freezing,

I know many people freeze when they face adversity or trauma! Shock freezes them! I know many people want to run away from a difficult situation. It is not surprising that minds are hard wired to escape from what is distressing! I know I want to fight against difficult situations!

Fighting can occur in many forms! Trying to change the situation by acting against it like for instance in terms of gun and knife-crime by accepting the epidemic exists intellectually but networking with others who work on the ground to look at solutions. I know you, like me when struggling with so much often only have your voice and your words to fight with and there are times that even they have difficulty in coming out or making any sense. I know some of you fight with a fire in your heart hating the situation especially if abuse or oppression is occurring!

There is also a fire in your heart when you have been violated, whether that is your trust or your body! There is that fighting spirit that you find is rekindled in your soul when you cannot accept a loved one’s death or illness! I know I find I am so angry with God when I face adversity.

As a Trauma Recovery Coach, I find this fighting with God actually heals me and leads me to acceptance of difficult events or tragedy. This permission I give myself to argue and express my rage with God has been my saving Grace!

I find many people are denied this saving Grace. Perhaps like me, you grew up in a family where God was never questioned. His will was never questioned. I find having environments like this, when you cannot be honest and open with yourself about God, results in barriers being erected to acceptance, healing gets delayed. I know in my life my constantly questioning why things were a certain way, prevented me from drowning in depths of depression.

At the same time, over the years, I have also learned that sometimes I have no control over events and even my feelings!

Although I have been angry with God during adversity, I have found these feelings subside to be replaced by calmness and serenity. I know acceptance involves, being open to the possibilities that your feelings and thoughts may change regarding situations!

Acceptance for me during adversity has involved me feeling the wide spectrum of emotions. There is bitterness, rage, guilt and there are all the other emotions which are too numerous to mention.

Acceptance can be a slow process or a fast process! All I know acceptance is “feeling the feel” as Richard Grannon the UK based, Coach says because alot of us are used to just feeling in our heads!

Acceptance for me is your gut feeling the situation!

Acceptance is your soul healing you! Acceptance is affirmation!

Acceptance is peace and tranquillity!

Acceptance is the sweet silence of serenity!

During adversity, especially in the midst of trauma and tragedy, when I have experienced an event, I have also accepted myself for who I am, a human being with limitations and immense gifts!

Acceptance of difficult situations in my life, has enabled me to start claiming who I am! I hope to start a new series of blogs on the process of claiming yourself.

As a Trauma Recovery Coach, I find this claiming is the key to healing fractured souls. I know when you have experienced trauma you do not have a sense of self and you find it so difficult to feel. I hope to detail this process for you soon like I have detailed the process of acceptance.

If you have found this series helpful and want to know more about how to recover from trauma, then please schedule a call with me by clicking below!



Having qualified as a Social Worker in July 1991 from Coventry University, it has been over two decades that I have been on the front line working with children and young people who are traumatized and on the margins of society. Although I studied Psycho-dynamic counselling for two years at Goldsmiths College (1991-1993), I decided to integrate Psycho-dynamic theories and skills into my Social work practice and flirt with and immerse myself in studying Islam as well as interfaith dialogue and friendships. For the last 20 years, I have been working in a multi-disciplinary Youth Offending Team in South London, comprised of Professional colleagues from different faiths and cultural backgrounds trying to support young people in the criminal justice system. I am married and mother to three sons, and juggle Social Work and interfaith dialogue with my writing, studying and the needs of home and family.


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