June 7, 2018

Breaking Part One

This week I am posting about Breaking!
The Cambridge Dictionary refers to breaking as the act of breaking.
Break though is defined in a number of ways
1. Damage
To cause something to separate suddenly or violently into two or more pieces or to cause something to stop working by being damaged.

2. End
To destroy or end something or come to an end

3. Record
To do something better than the best known speed, time or number

4. Not obey
To fail to keep a law rule or promise

5. Divide
To cause something to divide into two or more parts or groups

6. Interrupt
To interrupt or stop something for a short period

7. Use force
To go somewhere or to do something by force

8. Emotion
To lose your confidence, determination or clarity to control yourself or to make someone do this

9. Become Known
To become known or to make something become known

I look at all the ways the word break is defined above and I am amazed that in dark and difficult times, I have experienced breaking in all these ways. Breaking for me is an inner process! Breaking for me results in the evolution of your Soul or if you are not spiritual like me, an evolution of yourself. This breaking then results in massive transformations in your life.

Let me take you from this dry dictionary definition down a journey which starts downhill but makes you feel by the end of it that you are reaching the sky.

Come with me as I share with you my story about what happens to me in dark and difficult times. I am sure you experience all of the above within the confines of your soul or Self (or whatever you want to call it) when you go through difficult or dark times.

Firstly there is damage I feel in my heart (although some of that is damage to my ego) but what I feel more acutely during breaking, is the way, my heart shatters into a million pieces and feels so fractured and broken that it will collapse with the weight of the pain. Whether that pain is to do with others hurting my feelings or my trust being violated or the trauma of my client, or the guilt of not being there for a loved one or the loss of a loved one; I have always been weighed down by emotional pain. Don’t you find emotional pain feels weightier and more intolerable than physical pain?

Physical pain feels to me finite, whereas emotional feels infinite. Of course it is not infinite but it really feels that way doesn’t it?

Secondly when your heart is breaking something usually is coming to an end, whether that is the actual relationship or the perception of the relationship, or the dynamics of the relationship. I know each time with this ending or destruction, a new dawn ensues and sometimes a healthier dynamic within the relationship results or a healthier perception of the relationship? Hearts need to break. Breaking is inevitable.

Although during this breaking, I have lost my clarity and confidence, I have come to know myself so much more. Breaking involves also that others know you and your soul’s calling become known to you. Breaking lead me to know my life’s purpose! To serve you as a Trauma Recovery Coach! I always wanted to write! Now I write to call you to invest in self care and slowing down and simplifying your life. It was only when I stopped and slowed down that I found I could invest in self-care. Most of my life I was too busy rushing around and it was only when I slowed down, I was able to simplify my life by asking questions what is it that I wanted to do in my life not what is expected of me!

If you want to know how I slowed down and simplified my life, I will tell you the first step I took in self-care was scheduling a clarity call with a Coach!

Why don’t you then start your journey into self-care by scheduling your clarity call? I have opened Tuesday and Wednesday next week, two extra days! All I know with my 27 years of experience with working with Trauma and your courage, only clarity can result!




Having qualified as a Social Worker in July 1991 from Coventry University, it has been over two decades that I have been on the front line working with children and young people who are traumatized and on the margins of society. Although I studied Psycho-dynamic counselling for two years at Goldsmiths College (1991-1993), I decided to integrate Psycho-dynamic theories and skills into my Social work practice and flirt with and immerse myself in studying Islam as well as interfaith dialogue and friendships. For the last 20 years, I have been working in a multi-disciplinary Youth Offending Team in South London, comprised of Professional colleagues from different faiths and cultural backgrounds trying to support young people in the criminal justice system. I am married and mother to three sons, and juggle Social Work and interfaith dialogue with my writing, studying and the needs of home and family.


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