June 19, 2019

Joy and Sorrow

The morning after I discovered my former Client was murdered was harder than the day I discovered the news.

I got angry at my youngest son.

I didn’t lose it luckily.

I reigned it in my temper but I heard my raised voice and felt I was going to unleash a tirade, he did not deserve.

I realised this would not bring my Client back.

I somehow got my son breakfast and somehow bid him goodbye and got on with the rest of my day.

Again I did a day’s work as a Social Worker seeing difficult Clients, attempting to write the Pre Sentence report.

I felt nauseous at one point and hungry the next and full at another time.

There were times yesterday when I stood up and I felt my legs shaking unsteadily not being able to support myself but I carried on.

The Assistant Director came to see me, she hugged me and made me a cup of tea.

We had a conversation about the work I did with this former Client and there were many silences.

I appreciated the guesture and heard clearly the permission she gave me that if it all gets too much, I could go home.

I needed to hear that.

I carried on regardless, although still in shock and numb from the news.

It is not everyday a Client that you worked with gets murdered.

I somehow got through the rest of the day.

I left the office at 515pm to travel to my middle son’s school to attend the Parent’s evening to find out about his progress. I found myself sobbing uncontrollably when I got off the bus to catch the train.

The pain hit me then.

I allowed myself to feel it, the raw, deep loss.

I had felt it earlier when I spoke with the Speech and Language Therapist in my Team snd the Team Manager of another team that had helped his family. In these telephone conversations, I allowed myself to release the tears, to let them fall. I smiled at myself at my progress. There was a time when crying at work just made me feel weak and I was ashamed.

Now I know my strength is my vulnerability and my vulnerability is my strength.

I got feedback at my son’s parent evening. My middle son who attends a Specialist school is maturing and becoming a very sensitive and empathetic young man was the feedback who is reporting to school how grateful he is for his family.

To know my son is grateful for the love my husband and I provide is so heartwarming.

It gave me so much joy.

I returned home though exhausted.

Joy and Sorrow.

Right now I am on another emotional roller coaster.

I am mindful that it leaves me with no emotional energy for the Business or myself in the evenings.

I reserved what time, energy and space I had left for my youngest son. I helped him to pack last minute items for the residential trip with his school.

I also decided to practice what I preach to my Clients and went to bed early.

Self-care is key!

I know instinctively I need to look after myself.

Right now and in the next couple of weeks and months, I am treading very difficult waters.

I need to be kind to myself.

I want to be kind to myself.

I am being kind to myself.

If anything in this blog has really resonated with you and you would like to discuss the subject further with Taniya privately then use this link.




Taniya Hussain qualified as a Social Worker in 1991 from Coventry University in England. She has been working on the front lines, consistently holding space for individuals and families for three decades especially, children and young people on the margins of society. Taniya studied Psycho-dynamic counselling from 1991 to 1993 at Goldsmiths College in London. Taniya met Sheikha Halima Krausen in 1992 and has been studying Islam with her ever since especially Mystical Islam, Tassawuf (Sufism) and walks on the Chisti path. Taniya really started using the power of Jungian Pyschology and Mystical Islam when she started her Online Coaching and Consultancy Business in 2018 and discovered she was a powerful healer. When she discovered Shadow Alchemy in 2019, she started developing this modality into Muslim Alchemy in 2020. She now brands herself as the Muslim Alchemist because she is constantly integrating her knowledge of the Quran and Bible with her vast Social Work experience and her extensive ability of applying Psycho-dynamic, therapeutic techniques to organisational settings, team dynamics and when working with individuals and groups. This has both Online and Offline. Taniya uses skillfully her understanding of the Shadow, that Jung constantly talked about and her Mystical Training plus her experience in inter-faith dialogue since 2003, to help individuals and groups become conscious of what they previously were unconscious of leading to rapid success in their Business, Health and Relationships. Taniya has a great skill in being able to see the blind spots in others and in untanging energetic knots (a term she uses for Shadow) to promote healing from mental and physical disease. She uses her vast expertise and skills to help her Online Clients to get rid of decades of anxiety causing insomnia, depression and suicidal thoughts and marital problems. Clients usually are healed in a short amount of time never needing to invest in Therapy again. She really is the Muslim Alchemist as she turns the shitty experience of clients into golden experiences where they manifest upgraded, wealth, health and relationships all at the same time. Taniya got married in 1995 and has three sons born in 1996, 2001 and 2003 and lives in Surrey, England and when she is not developing Muslim Alchemy, she loves to spend time with her family and write fiction stories, songs and poems. She speaks fluent English and Urdu and basic German and French and is learning Arabic and Hebrew.


Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: