“We teach best what we are here to learn” Lorna Vaughn
The more I reflect on these words, the more I know how TRUE this saying is.
Recently I went to a trip to North Wales with my husband and two sons who are 22 and 15 years old.
I left London on Saturday 27th May at 8am and arrived in North Wales at 4pm at a village called Llanfairfechan near Llandudno and returned to London on Monday 29th May at 830pm.
My husband and two sons and I stayed at a bed and breakfast called Plas Heulog
It was what I really needed a weekend to give to myself and I really reflected on these words
They kept coming back to me as I walked around the village and the peaks and the valleys.
I know I tend to give to others even when I am feeling drained, exhausted, burnt out, etc because giving is something I have done from a very young age.
But there is also giving to yourself
There is giving to God
I sometimes find my life is SO unbalanced and I am NOT at PEACE because these two other aspects of giving I have forgotten and as the most read poet in America Rumi says so well
“Never give from the depths of your well but from your overflow”
Because giving from your overflow is when that giving FLOWS
That giving is EASY, EFFORTLESS not forced
And then the receiver ACCEPTS what is being given openly and the WARMTH of what is being given is FELT
Giving to me is something so natural, something I do like breathing
Giving what do I mean by that
Giving my time
Giving my expertise
Giving my ear
And listening as a teenage Palestinian girl told me at the Jewish Christian Muslim Partners in Dialogue Interfaith Conference that I attended in Germany back in February of this year, requires ALL the senses
I remember I started mediating between my friends fights at school at the age of 14 sorting out arguments between two different groups
It was then very natural for me to become a Social worker
Counselling others I have been doing WAY before I was professionally qualified to do it.
And so it became very quickly a norm from many friends and family members to come to me for advice, for colleagues to come to me to sound out problems with other colleagues
When I qualified to become a Social worker in 1991 and then a Psychodynamic Counsellor in 1993, it took me many years to realise that all this giving was having an effect on me personally.
Working in a psychodynamic way with children and young people in the criminal justice system as a social worker for 26 years like I have done takes it toll on my physical, emotional, spiritual, psychological and gut health.
Running a side Online Consulting Business ALONGSIDE that demanding social work job takes it toll so that is why I consciously take TIME to replenish myself to be
With my family
With myself by sitting in silence
With God by praying and meditating
With friends and family members who are not Social workers or Entrepreneurs
In Wales during this weekend I heard so many buzzing of bees and bleating of sheep. There were places my husband and my two sons and I went where the only sounds we could hear were our own voices and yes the buzzing of bees and bleating of sheep, we could not see another human being for miles.
To breathe some fresh country air and be surrounded by grassy peaks and valleys is really a good way to replenish that well.
To go on long walks without your phone and just following a trail to a waterfall is really a good way to replenish that well.
That well is your soul and it is THIRSTY for replenishment
I was SO tired mentally before this weekend
I felt it many days before we left on Friday
Although alot of tasks I continued with that is the nature of what we do
Sometimes when we are working we need to carry on doing what we are doing, other lives are dependent on us and our inaction can be costly.
But when we give ourselves permission to TAKE time off and replenish that WELL
Yes it is so true “We reach best what we are here to learn”
I am realising more and more pacing myself is what I am here to learn
Teaching High Achievers because I am a High Achiever myself and pacing myself is what I struggle with the most and each lesson I learn in how to PACE, when to pace, what aspect of my life to pace, what activity to slow down in and what activity to speed up in, and why it is important to pace is what I teach best
Because I am SO intimate with the struggles HighAchievers face in just being able to find the SPACE to figure out what is the right PACE for our life because it has been SO FAST most of our lives.
We have been on this FAST speed train
Not having the chance to even PROCESS all the changes wehave have experienced in the last week let alone the last month, year or decade
Yes I teach best that if you don’t SLOW down in some aspects of our lives and SPEED up in some other aspects of our life we will CRASH
A Train going FAST does CRASH
I know we don’t want that
And I know there are aspects of our lives that are painfully SLOW to change and the snail speed that these aspects are progressing at is SO frustrating for us.
This may be a book that we are writing
This may be a business that we are building
This may be a relationship that we are trying to improve
This may be our house that we are trying to declutter
This may be our health that we are trying to improve
This may be that debt we are trying to get out
This may be that negative energy we are trying to shake off
Whatever it is I implore us High Achievers with LOVE to SLOW DOWN in some aspects of our lives that we adopt this FAST pace in and SPEED UP in aspects of our lives that we adopt this SLOW pace in before we CRASH
For instance I noticed I walk very slowly
Others have noticed this in my life too and get SO frustrated with me
It is something I am working on and want to work on
But at times I am very resistant to work on
I tend to think and reflect alot as I am walking
But I know this speeding up my walking pace will help me with fitness, blood circulation, my blood pressure, breathing, pump more oxygen in my brain, help me concentrate better.
Yes “we teach best what we are here to learn”
The saying is very paradoxical but SO true.