Eight ago exactly I was debating on Boxing Day 2018 whether to pay a $500 deposit which was going to be non refundable to an online coach. I hardly had any savings and I was going to sign up to a 12 month contract with this coach that called herself a Success coach. She quoted me her fees which I was really shocked by. She charged $697 per month. That was more than my monthly mortgage payment.

I wanted to invest in myself and my future and secure the success I had always dreamt of.

I wanted to become this published writer and do book tours and speak about my book. But I had never invested that kind of money.
This was then the most amount of money I had ever invested in for myself.

I had invested in my children yes and in counselling sessions in the past for myself.

Yes I had invested in my education but never in coaching and never at this price point.

I had butterflies in my stomach.

I felt sick in my stomach

My heart was pounding fast

I remember my nervous system going crazy.

Yet my gut was telling me to invest this amount of money in this coach because I couldn’t figure out the answers to the questions that I had in the last few months.

The questions I had never asked myself before but was asking myself constantly these past few months.

I also knew the network of friends and family that I had although very supportive could not answer them and I knew this time therapy was not the answer either.

I didn’t want to look back this time.

I wanted to look forward to the future.

I wanted a space and invest some time in thinking how I wanted to spend the next thirty to forty years of my life

I was scared witless around this time back in 2017.

My friends told me I was mad to invest this kind of money in coaching.

And my head told me they were right.

I was being very irresponsible in investing in this U.S based coach that I hardly knew and had found online.

One of my friends, one of my mentors actually suggested that I invest in a UK coach that she knew who was far more cheaper.

I didn’t though

My heart was confused

My soul was screaming

My gut was just pulled to invest in this coach from a Latina background who was a personal training and fitness coach and recently branded herself as a “Success” Coach. She worked with successful people who wanted to be more successful.

I felt up to a point I was successful. I had a successful social work career.But I didn’t feel successful inside.

So I hired this coach. Jessica Perez-Beebe. I paid the non refundable deposit with a credit card and thought I would pay the other monthly fees via another credit card. I would go into debt.

It didn’t matter because this was a long term investment.

I would probably be able to pay back the credit card bills by the money I would make from that book that would finally get published. One of those many books that I had started but never finished.

I didn’t write that book with Jessica though I wrote that book in 2024 and finished writing that book in March 2025 and I published that book in April 2025.

However the investment I made with Jessica was one of the best investments that I made.

Why because she gave me a piece of advice no one had ever given me.

It was this.

You have to fight your own battles.

No one is going to fight them for you

She pointed out to me that I was avoiding the fight. I was expecting others to fight for me. It wasn’t their battle.

The investment I made in this success coaching was the first of many in myself and although some have been very wise investments, some have not been.

When I hired Jessica I had no intention of starting a business. I was thinking about it, but I was not serious about doing som

I had not decided to set up a business when I hired her that is another story. I hired her because I wanted to find out why I felt so unfulfilled with life. I wanted to find out although I was very successful at the time, why did I feel such a failure like I hadn’t achieved anything although I had achieved so much.


The point of this post is I know it’s very scary investing in yourself, three figures, four figures, five figures or even in six figures in coaching. You are probably thinking of investing in me.

The point of this post is to give you an understanding that I know how it feels and what to do before you do in me or anyone else online.

I followed Jessica for a while before I booked that breakthrough call with her. I wanted to check if she was a person of integrity. I looked her website up. I followed her on Facebook and Instagram. I read her articles. I watched her free videos. I didn’t just pay her.

I expect you to follow me too for a while too. I expect if you are thinking of hiring me to binge on my free videos and content that you can find on http://www.dancingwithdarknessbook.com

I expect you to buy a copy of my book called Dancing with Darkness that you can buy from Amazon or via the website just mentioned.

I would never expect someone to just pay me.

The point of this post is that when you hire a coach is to remind you that it’s not any normal kind of transaction. It’s not like you are buying a lipstick or handbag.
You are paying for a transformation, a life changing transformation and you usually want it FAST.

And that can be unnerving.

I wanted to know certain answers about me FAST.
I knew I needed someone to ask me the right questions so I could dig deep inside of me to unearth them.

One statement Jessica told me which I took away more than anything else she taught me: was the importance of fighting for myself. She said no one will fight your battles for me. And that one sentence completely changed my life.

It led me to really being a warrior.

I had fought for myself prior to meeting her.
I am feisty. I was very feisty in my teenage years and in my twenties.
However for many years I stopped fighting for myself was a part of me that did expect others to fight for me and I was tired of fighting for myself.

That push was all I needed to rekindle the warrior spirit within me and then I became unstoppable.

I started working with Jessica in January 2018 and I believe it was February 2018 that she said this one sentence to me.
February 2018 was also when I stopped
being silent and spoke up to what I really wanted in every single aspect of my life.
It was when I found my voice.
It was then I found me.

I didn’t embark on The Reflective Space Adventure when I hired Jessica for those who know my story, I did that in August 2017 not in December 2017.

I embarked on The Reflective Space Adventure aka The Spiritual Alchemy Quest when I started seeking purpose and praying for a purposeful life.

I started praying that prayer when I slowed down that August 2017.

I don’t remember ever in my life slowing down so much like I did that month.

There was days without WiFi

I didn’t have the usual household chores or the school run as I was on holiday with my family

I didn’t have to cook and I hardly took anything to read that holiday

This is very unlike me

I am always studying or reading or writing.

I just took a copy of the Qur’an and a thin book of Rumi’s poems.

Embarking on this adventure utterly TRANSFORMED me from the inside out.
It was seven months of hell and seven months of heaven.

It was my dark night of the soul.
My life activation.
Before this I was living but it was a half life.

Now I know you probably have heard these stories before.
My story is not original.
But it is my story.

I know very intimately how it feels like to feel unfulfilled even though the world thinks you have it all.

Eight years ago I was so different.

Now I am living my life, promoting my book, speaking on stages about my book  running my business and living this life where I feel so fulfilled.

I am so glad I didn’t listen to my mind but my gut back in December 2017 and invested in this coach.

Investing in a coach is not a transaction to be taken lightly and I totally understand this.

Your personal growth is at stake.

When was the last time you invested in a coach?

When was the last time you listened to your heart, soul and gut?

#thereflectivespace

#thereflectivespaceadventure

#transformationalcoaching

#spiritualalchemyquest