I just finished working with a client on 2nd August. He would like to be referred to as The Football Legend. He loves football and used to play for a local team for fun. My client is a 28 year old man with Cerebral palsy who wants to remain anonymous. His mother paid for the sessions with me. His mother I would refer to as a High Achiever. She is a single parent of several children and being a Carer of a disabled child and now a disabled adult child is not easy. There are few words describing the struggles of parents of children with disabilities. Services need to be fought for wherever you are in the world.

The Football Legend received many services when he was at school. He however did not after he left school at 18

His mother was thinking of  applying Personal Independent Payment from the UK government but being busy with her son and several daughters found it difficult to get the time to do this.

Unfortunately I could not help her with this because she is  a business client of mine although it was her son I offered sessions too, she signed a contract that she would pay me to deliver one to one sessions just with her son.

I did offer her sessions for herself too but she declined that offer.

I understand only too well the demands of being a carer so I didn’t push her to purchase that offer.

I don’t do hard pressure sales.

However having  actually applied for Personal Independent Payment for my own middle son several years ago and the payment was not approved. I appealed the decision and attended the appeal hearing and won the appeal I could have helped her.

I took all the evidence I had regarding my son’s disability which is an invisible one. My son was born in 2001 and in 2013 he was diagnosed with Developmental Language Disorder

The Football Legend was referred to me from another Service provider who I have known years before I started my business.

This Service Provider found out after a conversation with The Football Legend mother that he had become addicted to pornography. The Service Provider and The Football Legend’s mother grew up in the same city. His mother was at her wits end.

The man is the eldest son in his family a practicing Muslim family at that and so there was so much shame felt when this was discovered.

The Football Legend parents separated when he was a teenager. He has three sisters and he is the only man in the family.

His mother paid me to work with him for six months. We met three times a month and I encouraged him to journal, play football etc and Google Speech and Language Therapy and Occupational Therapy to understand his needs

He worked with me over a six month period and he met with me on Zoom on a one to one basis three times a month.

Our first session was in December 2023 and our last session on 2nd August 2024

He said that it didn’t feel like talking to a therapist when he met me. He said it felt like talking to an Auntie. He said I really helped him feel very safe in being able to share his thoughts and feelings with me about his mother and sisters and cousins and father.

My client was able to share some of the abuse he witnessed his mother receive from his father.

He also shared with me how he felt like he was not able to be seen as a man but treated as a child.

He shared with me the fact that he loved the reflective space that I provided for him.

He said when he first started working with me his confidence was low but now he has finished working with me he has so much more confidence in being able to manage conflict.

The Football Legend’s addiction to pornography became less and less whilst he worked with me.

He was able to celebrate that he has not visited any porn sites for several months in a session in July.

Some of this he attributed to his having a wife who lives in Pakistan. He speaks to her everyday although he lives in the UK.

Of course The Football Legend porn addiction was just a symptom of what was going on in his family.

So many feelings that are natural like sexual feelings were repressed in his family.

I said to him in sessionsm

What is important is that we acknowledge that feelings are present within us. When we deny feelings then addictions flourish.

I really enjoyed working with The Football Legend

I got him to explore that he needed to seek speech and language therapy and occupational therapy and encouraged him to research these himself.

He had some speech and language therapy as a child. I helped him see it was not to help him speak but to help him with his social skills. I attributed his lack of confidence with him not having many friends.

I assess my being a social worker and a trained therapist really helps create a safe and non judgemental space in the Zoom room.

I explained to him that is probably why he enjoyed the sessions.

Privacy and Confidentiality is key to working with anyone especially when discussing porn addiction or any other sensitive subject.

I have worked as a social worker with a number of young people who have committed sexual offences and this also helped me in working with The Football Legend.

I explained to him that he was not doing anything illegal. He was visiting adult porn sites and whilst in his community it was morally wrong, I wasn’t going to judge him for doing so.

I believe this helped him to open up to me in a way most men probably wouldn’t have done to a woman.

It wasn’t easy working with The Football Legend as his mother was paying for the sessions and I needed to give her feedback without telling her details that would breach privacy and confidentiality.

The Football Legend said that he knew I would keep what he said private and trusted me that way. He had a difficult relationship with his mother who was paying for the sessions but the six months went without incident.

This is what happens when you purchase The Reflective Space Consultation or The Reflective Space Package which is several sessions over a period of time.

If you are interested in doing this please fill in the contact form here. Or just visit the Services page of this website for more info on how you can enquire regarding working with me.