July 16, 2025

Breaking the Spell of Shame! High Performers and High Achievers are under the spell too!

I have been exploring shame with my therapist in the last few months.

Yes I have been in therapy since 2019.

I understand that shame is something I have lived with most of my life.

And I know most of us do!

Even when we think or feel we have loving parents.

Shame is in the collective consciousness.

I understand that now and we often shame ourselves even when no one else is shaming us.

Shame becomes part of the narrative.

I used to think it was a Pakistani or Indian or Muslim thing.

I realise it is a human experience.

I am not saying that shaming is good.

It is not.

Shame destroys lives

Shame can take lives

Shame imprisons you.

My therapist says the antidote to shame is compassion.

Shame is one of the causes of burnout.

We push forward as high performers and high achievers.

We don’t give up.

Most would in the most difficult circumstances.

But we don’t because we would feel ashamed.

It takes courage to break the spell of shame.

It takes courage to say no.

I have found that having a reflective space especially with my therapist has made me understand that I have experienced a lot of gas lighting.

So much of when I shame myself is the gas lighting from others.

This is what she tells me.

I find inside there is a froth of rage and sadness inside of me.

I am learning not to judge myself

I AM learning to accept myself

I am learning to be compassionate to myself.

And the more I am the more the spell breaks.

#thereflectivespace

#reflectivespaces

taniyahussain34

taniyahussain34

Taniya Hussain qualified as a Social Worker in 1991 from Coventry University in England, UK. She has been working on the front lines in London UK, consistently holding space for individuals and families in chaos and crisis for three decades especially, children and young people on the margins of society. Taniya studied Psycho-dynamic counselling from 1991 to 1993 at Goldsmiths College in London. Taniya met Sheikha Halima Krausen in 1992 and has been studying Islam with her ever since especially Mystical Islam, Tassawuf (Sufism) and walks on the Chisti path. Taniya fuses Jungian Pyschology and Islamic Psychology and this fusion can best be understood if you read her book Dancing with Darkness which is available on Amazon. It became a Best Seller on Amazon in the UK, U.S and France in April 2025. The book tells the story of Tamara Alvi, a fictional charachter and is a psychological thriller and a story of healing. Taniya started her coaching and consulting business in January 2018 and she works mainly with High Achievers and High Performers and High Performing Leaders, offering reflective spaces since 2018 and what she refers to as THE REFLECTIVE SPACE. Taniya since starting her busines discovered that she is a powerful healer and was shocked that clients were relieved from pain even though they have been diagnosed with a chronic illness. Taniya is delighted to have discovered Paceology, which is the detailed study of PACE. She is the first paceologist. She noticed when working with high performers when you slow down in one area of your life, this causes you to speed up in another area and vice cersa thus leading to increased levels of productivity, creativity, clarity and energy. She brands herself as the Muslim Alchemist because she really is The Muslim Alchemist as she guides you to transfom the base, in other words the shit that you have experienced into GOLD whether that is love of yourself or God or another human being or a healthier body or a life where you feel at peace and calm and fulfilled or more energy or more money. You definintely will feel lighter, more freer and more clearer even if you book one consultation with her or several sessions. Taniya has a very holistic approach when working with individuals and works with you on multiple layers, the emotional, the psychological, the social, the physical, the mental and the spriritual. She uses stories from the Quran and the Bible when working with clients on a one to one basis or in group workshops as well as breathwork, body scanning, cognitive behavioural therapy, neuro linguistic programming, motivational interviewing. systems theory, neuro science. She is trained in multiple modalities as well as using her own Paceology and insists on offering her clients a trauma informed and trauma responsive service. She is constantly integrating her knowledge of the Quran and Bible with her vast social work experience and training. Taniya's extensive ability of applying psycho-dynamic theory to organisational settings, teams and groups as well as to individuals results in those who attend her sessions or workshops as feeling lighter and more energised. Taniya uses skillfully her understanding of the Shadow, that Jung constantly talked about and her Mystical Training. She also has integrated her passion for inter-faith dialogue and the archetypes that Jung often refers to, come alive in her one to one sessions and her group workshops thus resulting in individuals feeling more freer and fulfilled after they stop working with her. Taniya just does not provide clarity she WAKES you up to. Taniya has a great skill in being able to see the blind spots in others and does this in a non judgemental way and a way that you feel safe. She also "untangles energetic knots" (a term she uses for Shadow) in your body to promote healing from mental and physical disease. Clients usually are healed in a short amount of time because she pinpoints the memory, the event, the thought that first caused the disease. She also provides one to one sessios or training workshops to social work teams, school, secure and prison estate on youth justice, knife crime prevention as well asidentification and prevention of early onset of burnout. Taniya has three sons, who were born in 1996, 2001 and 200 and lives in Surrey, England and when she is not coaching or writing songs, blogs and poems, she loves to spend time, travelling, walking, listening to music, watching films or playing cricket. She speaks fluent English and Urdu and basic German and French and is learning Arabic and Hebrew.

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