The morning after I discovered my former Client was murdered was harder than the day I discovered the news.
I got angry at my youngest son.
I didn’t lose it luckily.
I reigned it in my temper but I heard my raised voice and felt I was going to unleash a tirade, he did not deserve.
I realised this would not bring my Client back.
I somehow got my son breakfast and somehow bid him goodbye and got on with the rest of my day.
Again I did a day’s work as a Social Worker seeing difficult Clients, attempting to write the Pre Sentence report.
I felt nauseous at one point and hungry the next and full at another time.
There were times yesterday when I stood up and I felt my legs shaking unsteadily not being able to support myself but I carried on.
The Assistant Director came to see me, she hugged me and made me a cup of tea.

We had a conversation about the work I did with this former Client and there were many silences.
I appreciated the guesture and heard clearly the permission she gave me that if it all gets too much, I could go home.
I needed to hear that.
I carried on regardless, although still in shock and numb from the news.
It is not everyday a Client that you worked with gets murdered.
I somehow got through the rest of the day.
I left the office at 515pm to travel to my middle son’s school to attend the Parent’s evening to find out about his progress. I found myself sobbing uncontrollably when I got off the bus to catch the train.
The pain hit me then.
I allowed myself to feel it, the raw, deep loss.
I had felt it earlier when I spoke with the Speech and Language Therapist in my Team snd the Team Manager of another team that had helped his family. In these telephone conversations, I allowed myself to release the tears, to let them fall. I smiled at myself at my progress. There was a time when crying at work just made me feel weak and I was ashamed.
Now I know my strength is my vulnerability and my vulnerability is my strength.
I got feedback at my son’s parent evening. My middle son who attends a Specialist school is maturing and becoming a very sensitive and empathetic young man was the feedback who is reporting to school how grateful he is for his family.
To know my son is grateful for the love my husband and I provide is so heartwarming.
It gave me so much joy.
I returned home though exhausted.
Joy and Sorrow.
Right now I am on another emotional roller coaster.
I am mindful that it leaves me with no emotional energy for the Business or myself in the evenings.
I reserved what time, energy and space I had left for my youngest son. I helped him to pack last minute items for the residential trip with his school.
I also decided to practice what I preach to my Clients and went to bed early.
Self-care is key!
I know instinctively I need to look after myself.
Right now and in the next couple of weeks and months, I am treading very difficult waters.
I need to be kind to myself.
I want to be kind to myself.
I am being kind to myself.
If anything in this blog has really resonated with you and you would like to discuss the subject further with Taniya privately then use this link.
https://calendly.com/contact-3453/15min
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Taniya Hussain qualified as a Social Worker in 1991 from Coventry University in England, UK. She has been working on the front lines in London UK, consistently holding space for individuals and families in chaos and crisis for three decades especially, children and young people on the margins of society. Taniya studied Psycho-dynamic counselling from 1991 to 1993 at Goldsmiths College in London. Taniya met Sheikha Halima Krausen in 1992 and has been studying Islam with her ever since especially Mystical Islam, Tassawuf (Sufism) and walks on the Chisti path. Taniya fuses Jungian Pyschology and Islamic Psychology and this fusion can best be understood if you read her book Dancing with Darkness which is available on Amazon. It became a Best Seller on Amazon in the UK, U.S and France in April 2025. The book tells the story of Tamara Alvi, a fictional charachter and is a psychological thriller and a story of healing. Taniya started her coaching and consulting business in January 2018 and she works mainly with High Achievers and High Performers and High Performing Leaders, offering reflective spaces since 2018 and what she refers to as THE REFLECTIVE SPACE. Taniya since starting her busines discovered that she is a powerful healer and was shocked that clients were relieved from pain even though they have been diagnosed with a chronic illness. Taniya is delighted to have discovered Paceology, which is the detailed study of PACE. She is the first paceologist. She noticed when working with high performers when you slow down in one area of your life, this causes you to speed up in another area and vice cersa thus leading to increased levels of productivity, creativity, clarity and energy. She brands herself as the Muslim Alchemist because she really is The Muslim Alchemist as she guides you to transfom the base, in other words the shit that you have experienced into GOLD whether that is love of yourself or God or another human being or a healthier body or a life where you feel at peace and calm and fulfilled or more energy or more money. You definintely will feel lighter, more freer and more clearer even if you book one consultation with her or several sessions.
Taniya has a very holistic approach when working with individuals and works with you on multiple layers, the emotional, the psychological, the social, the physical, the mental and the spriritual. She uses stories from the Quran and the Bible when working with clients on a one to one basis or in group workshops as well as breathwork, body scanning, cognitive behavioural therapy, neuro linguistic programming, motivational interviewing. systems theory, neuro science. She is trained in multiple modalities as well as using her own Paceology and insists on offering her clients a trauma informed and trauma responsive service.
She is constantly integrating her knowledge of the Quran and Bible with her vast social work experience and training. Taniya's extensive ability of applying psycho-dynamic theory to organisational settings, teams and groups as well as to individuals results in those who attend her sessions or workshops as feeling lighter and more energised. Taniya uses skillfully her understanding of the Shadow, that Jung constantly talked about and her Mystical Training. She also has integrated her passion for inter-faith dialogue and the archetypes that Jung often refers to, come alive in her one to one sessions and her group workshops thus resulting in individuals feeling more freer and fulfilled after they stop working with her. Taniya just does not provide clarity she WAKES you up to. Taniya has a great skill in being able to see the blind spots in others and does this in a non judgemental way and a way that you feel safe. She also "untangles energetic knots" (a term she uses for Shadow) in your body to promote healing from mental and physical disease. Clients usually are healed in a short amount of time because she pinpoints the memory, the event, the thought that first caused the disease. She also provides one to one sessios or training workshops to social work teams, school, secure and prison estate on youth justice, knife crime prevention as well asidentification and prevention of early onset of burnout.
Taniya has three sons, who were born in 1996, 2001 and 200 and lives in Surrey, England and when she is not coaching or writing songs, blogs and poems, she loves to spend time, travelling, walking, listening to music, watching films or playing cricket.
She speaks fluent English and Urdu and basic German and French and is learning Arabic and Hebrew.
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