This article explores your resistance in wanting to explore deeply your relationship with God, yourself and the other relationships you have had with your family and friends and the fire, water, air, earth within you and around you and the plants and animals within you and around you. You have learnt strategies for self growth via personal development courses and retreats but this article explores what to do next when you resist this deeper exploration which personal development courses are not equipped for. It is only when you go deep can you really transform your life and break lifelong patterns.

This article introduces the concept of the “Fear of Depth” which many like you experience when you undertake personal development. You see most personal development courses especially the do it yourself personal development courses and spiritual retreats especially the new age ones and those centred around  the law of attraction do not require you to go deep. This fear therefore you will not experience. That is why you go round and round in circles not really getting anywhere in terms of finding yourself and your life’s purpose. Yes you may achieve more success but rarely a life which is fulfilled.

So once you start feeling the fear and arrive at this resistance, you can then break through the final barrier and achieve profound self-growth.  This article ets the stage for an exploratory journey into understanding and overcoming the internal obstacles that hinder deep personal development.

Unveiling the Fear of Depth

So why do you have this “Fear of Depth”

One of the reasons is your earlier experiences with your primary care givers.

You were abandoned or neglected or abused so you don’t want to explore your relationship with God, yourself and others. You don’t want to because that means you will have to face the anger, the guilt and all those other feelings you have safely repressed and numbed because signing up to a plethora of personal development courses enables you to do just that.

These courses gives you an illusion that you are progressing and growing but really what you are becoming is a personal development addict.

One of the other reasons is that you once did risk to explore these relationships deeply but that individual that you undertook that activity with actually let you down and abused your trust or misunderstood you or imposed their own feelings and thought about your relationships.

So you don’t want to get burnt again. You are content to swim around the sea of superficial growth pretending to grow and be fulfilled.

However in reality ironically deep down you know this is a lie.

Another reason you have this fear of depth is because you don’t want to feel all those feelings. That scares the hell out of you, you actually feel like you are going to die. However you are not going to die by actually allowing yourself to FEEL the anger, the pain, the guilt, you will actually going to LIVE. You will start feeling ALIVE.

That depth and breadth of feeling is what makes us a human being because we are PRESENT to the feelings.

We stop being human doings and start being human beings.

Recognizing Personal Barriers

Sometimes the personal barrier to exploring the relationships is the relationships itself. Sometimes we have put a certain individual onto a pedestal and to really accept that person for who they are shatters our world.

Another personal barrier can be recognising that we identify a particular set of relationships or one of them as being toxic and damaging and this means we need to do something about it. This is because we know we will lose respect for ourselves if we don’t. Sometimes it is the case that we just have learnt to tolerate the toxicity because we don’t know anything different or we don’t know how to end that relationship. It is not because we are pushovers in fact in the public arena we are not, it is because we just don’t have the energy to really end it because we have become dependent on that person. It is not easy to end toxic relationships especially if we have been in the relationship for a number of years or decades and it is a blood relationship.

The Role of Vulnerability in Growth

What can make it easier to end toxic relationships or change a toxic relationship to a less toxic or healthier one is to be vulnerable. Us high achievers and high performers are so used to getting it done that we wear this mask of strength, this veneer of having superhuman strength. We hide our hurt, distress, anger etc.

So to really grow as a person, it is important to be vulnerable and actually show this vulnerable side to our nearest and dearest. I know this is extremely challenging to strip off this mask of strength because it becomes our identity. However this is extremely one sided. We human beings are not one sided, we are multi dimensional. It is paradoxical but our vulnerability is our strength and the other way around. There is a richness we discover within ourselves when we embrace our vulnerable side. Others also discover this richness. 

Navigating Past Traumas and Pain

When we have the courage to go deep and explore our relationships then we become better at navigating past and current traumas. We also become better at dealing with all the thoughts and feelings that accompany the relationships. This helps us heal from the current or past trauma and instead of denying or repressing the emotional pain, we can face it and work through it. Pain can feel heavy and insurmountable but that doesn’t mean it is. When we have another human being to witness the pain as we explore the relationships, we find that is the case. That is why engaging in therapy or transformational coaching can really help navigate the trauma and help us process the pain.

Shifting Mindsets for Deeper Engagement

When high performers and high achievers hire me to explore relationships, they are relieved to find that it is not just a mindset shift that is expected from them. When you work with me a multi modal approach is used. A gut set shift and body set shift is encouraged too. You see personal development courses or coaches just focuses on exploring limiting beliefs and empowering beliefs. I however go deeper with my clients and when you work with me you explore energy patterns or archetypes within you which is a very spiritual approach.

Archetypes are energy patterns that come from mythology and religion and are present in the collective consciousness 

One technique I use is exploring Bible and Quranic stories and using them to show high achievers that story is being played out in your life.

Practical Tools for Overcoming the Fear of Depth 

One of these tools is to meditate. This meditation is simply to sit in silence for a minute by yourself.

Another tool is to journal about what thoughts and feelings come up when you meditate.

By doing these two activities regularly, you will find you will slow down and this will give you energy to want to mull with another about what came up due to meditating and journalling.

There will be a yearning to mull with another not by yourself.

You will want to go deep.

Seeking Support and Guidance

This will lead you to seek external support, such as therapy or coaching.

When you do seek this be very discerning who you select. Research the individual. Watch what they say does it actually follow through in action. Read Testimonials. See if others recommend the Therapist or Coach.

Find an individual who behaves like a guide on the side not the sage on the stage.

When professional guidance is secured this can be a catalyst for deeper and lasting transformation.

FAQ’s

1. What is the “Fear of Depth” and why is it significant in personal development?
   • The “Fear of Depth” refers to the hesitance or resistance individuals feel toward deeply exploring their relationships with themselves, others, and their spirituality. This fear is significant because it often acts as a barrier to profound self-growth and fulfillment, preventing people from truly understanding and transforming their lives.
2. Why do personal development courses and retreats often fail to address deeper issues?
   • Most personal development courses and spiritual retreats are designed to provide surface-level improvements and successes. They often do not require or facilitate the deep, introspective work necessary to address foundational issues like past traumas, deep-seated fears, and complex emotional patterns. As such, they may offer temporary satisfaction or the illusion of progress without leading to genuine, lasting change.
3. What are some common personal barriers to deep self-exploration?
   • Personal barriers can include past traumas, fear of re-experiencing pain or discomfort, resistance to acknowledging one’s vulnerabilities, and maintaining superficial relationships that do not challenge or support growth. Additionally, some might fear the implications of recognizing and possibly needing to change or end toxic relationships.
4. How does embracing vulnerability contribute to personal growth?
   • Embracing vulnerability allows individuals to acknowledge and express their true feelings, fears, and desires. It is a critical step in understanding oneself and forming deeper, more authentic relationships. By removing the masks of invulnerability, individuals can begin to heal from past wounds, make more genuine connections with others, and build resilience.
5. What are some practical tools recommended for overcoming the Fear of Depth?
   • The article suggests several tools, including meditation and journaling, to help individuals slow down, reflect, and begin to confront deeper thoughts and feelings. These practices are aimed at facilitating a gradual approach to deeper self-exploration and preparing individuals to seek and effectively utilize external support, such as therapy or transformational coaching.