As a high performer for most of my life, this was what I struggled with. To truly express myself from the core of my being and not give a damn for the consequences. I get the feeling you struggle with this too.

Yes you are successful but are you deeply fulfilled with how you have expressed yourself so far in public?

Is your public persona akin to your private thoughts and feelings? Or have you plastered on a mask so tight that you actually forgot that it was there? Do you understand what I am saying? Yes we all have a public and a private persona but for some of us these two are so far apart, it is very worrying.  I wonder when we are hiding what we really feel and think from the world, how does that really contribute to living a fulfilled life? Of course we cannot always say and act what we really think and feel but to hide our true thoughts and feelings most of the time, that is living a life not worth living. It is like half living. Would you agree?

I remember the first time in my life when I tore that mask off that I had plastered on so tightly and just said exactly what was in my heart. I felt SO FREE! It was like I had found my core, my back bone. I was 47 years old and I remember the words I said. These words were “You cannot break me. I am unbreakable. You can try but I will not break. ” Those words were not really meant for the person I quietly said them to. The words were aimed at every single person that had hurt me in the 47 years I had been on the planet. Just to say them out loud was truly liberating. The day that I uttered those words was the day that my life changed. My life has not been the same again.  That moment was the defining moment of my life. I dread to think if I had never uttered those words who I would be now. The fact that I chose to say those words to the one person that I allowed that person to have such power over me shows the choice I made. I chose by uttering those words to have agency in my life. I became the CEO of my life from that day.

Those words betrayed a quiet strength within me. They also showed how hurt and broken I felt. I don’t know who said this but vulnerability is strength and strength is vulnerability.  I revealed my vulnerability that day. I also revealed my strength.

It was from that point that I really started expressing myself to my family, to my friends, to my work colleagues and to anyone else I met. This authentic expression led me to start a business. I had always wanted to start a business but having children stopped me, being a social worker stopped me. In January 2018, having found my voice, having found the ability to express myself from the heart without any filter, becoming an entrepreneur was a natural progression.

Becoming an entrepreneur has also led me to write from the heart. I write now not for a particular magazine or an academic journal but for myself and anyone else who wants to read my words. Words are very powerful. I used to first write on Facebook but more and more I realise writing on Facebook is like writing on water.

So I find myself writing more and more articles on this website. Articles that showcase my thoughts on so many things. The world is constantly changing and I have a lot to say.

You see EXPRESSION is one of The Three E’s that I teach and is one of the regular practices when you embark on the Identity Alchemy Journey. This is the second journey of The Spiritual Alchemy Quest. Expression is the natural result after the excavation of  thoughts and feelings buried within you. EXCAVATION is the natural result after the detailed exploration of all your relationships.

I think you are getting the picture. Exploring your relationships is the natural result of sitting in silence. Sitting in silence is the natural result of self-care and simplifying and slowing down. The Four S’s is what you practice when you embark on the personal alchemy journey. This is the first journey of The Spiritual Alchemy Quest.

These journeys that form the Quest are taken by most human beings who are seeking FLOW, FREEDOM or FULFILLMENT.  Others call these journeys or the spiritual alchemy quest by different names. As I said some refer to the Quest as The dark night of the soul of a midlife crisis. You may not even be middle age when you embark on these journeys. What you may be experiencing is an existential crisis occurring after a bereavement or redundancy or an illness.

You find you are at a crossroads in your life and that you have all these questions and you don’t know what to do. You have doubts about the direction your life is in. If this is the case it is time to embark on The Spiritual Alchemy Quest.

I embarked on The Spiritual Alchemy Quest all by myself. I had no guide.I hired a Coach when I was completing the fourth journey. Again that was a natural progression for me. When you embark on the Emotional Alchemy Journey, you are breaking life long patterns. Having not invested in myself before this, I asked for professional help to enable me to understand what I wanted to do in the future. I broke the pattern of hiring a therapist to explore my past and how that was affecting me. Instead I hired a coach to explore what I could do to make my dream of becoming a published author come true.

I have mentioned The Personal Alchemy Journey and The Identity Alchemy Journey and The Emotional Alchemy Journey. I have not mentioned The Practical Alchemy Journey. That is the third journey. I will write about what that involves in my next article. One thing I will tell you is that it involves building a sanctuary.

I find high achievers and high performers are so busy, and being very charitable and generous often do not create time and space for themselves.This time and space is what I call a sanctuary. When you create it in your calendar or in your home or in your office, it is so transformative. What do I mean by a sanctuary? I mean building a time and a space for yourself where no one disturbs you. You are alone with your thoughts and feelings. You control who comes in and out of the room if it is a room in your house or your office. In this room or time you do exactly what you want to do. It is your secret sanctuary. It is your go to place where you indulge yourself. I have such a sanctuary. It is called Shabbat. From Friday evening to Saturday evening, I do less around the house. I don’t check social media. I don’t check emails. I hardly check my phone. I tend to go on walks or lie in. I watch Netflix or listen to music. I have an afternoon nap.  In 2017 I actually created a physical sanctuary where I had a room in the house only I had access to. It was like a private den. My sons or my husband were not allowed to enter it. I really found myself in that sanctuary. I meditated. I practiced Yoga. I read books. I did loads of journaling. I wrote many poems.

If you don’t have a sanctuary then I will really encourage you to create one. Put some time and dedication to the task. You are building a cocoon. You see when the caterpillar builds a cocoon, there is attention to detail and you will be staying in the sanctuary for some time. Some of the exploration that occurred in the Identity Alchemy Journey continues. To be surrounded by clothes, books, cuddly toys, cushions, pillows, blankets really contributes to your metamorphosis. Your sanctuary is like a cave… you need provisions. I will explain more in the next article. Till then I hope you go forth and as Madonna says “Express yourself!”

I hope that this article gives you the opportunity to start expressing yourself from the heart. When you do you will find the black and white life you led changes to a colourful reality.

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